Tomorrow night will mark seven weeks since my oldest child died. This has been a hard seven weeks, and even longer eight years of her disease taking over, slowly killing her. The kids and I are doing alright, some days are better than others. I find that it is hitting Boston the hardest but he has always been sensitive like that. I love them all so much.
An unfortunate and unexpected side effect of such a tremendous and profound loss of my daughter has been involuntary urination in my sleep. I have urinated in my sleep three times since she died. Last night was, by far, the worst. I was soaked. I don’t know what is causing it. I am totally sober, getting in plenty of water and nutritious foods and walking several thousand steps every day for my health. This catastrophe happened three hours after I went to bed, and I went to the bathroom right before I went to bed.
So fucking embarrassing. I decided to blog about it because I figured there is somebody else out there who is going through something really hard and maybe, just maybe they’ll Google search this and find me. And know that they are not alone.
Unfortunately, I pretty much want to sleep on the lawn until this goes away. I don’t know what the deal is, I’m not having tangible nightmares most nights. I do take a pill to sleep but that is totally normal for a mom who has just lost a child.
And now, because I feel like Susie bedwetter, I can’t look my boyfriend in the eyes. FML.
This is not better than a grief group. Although my group says this is normal.