My brother recently married the woman of his dreams. He brought 3 kids to the table and she has 2. They’re the real life Brady Bunch that so many of my friends have.
We’ve been in Boston (well, Hull Massachusetts overlooking Nantasket Beach) since Sunday and have seen so many people we love and miss. Friends and family. People who have seen Rachel decline since 2009 and were able to hide their sadness after seeing her decline of 9 months (since we moved) better than I expected. I have only cried once since being here, maybe twice. Not bad, all things considered.
I’m at a point in my life where I believe that people who don’t struggle on a daily basis with at least one major issue aren’t in touch with life. Who they really are, what they really want, how they really feel. I have been struggling with my internal feelings of being worthy and being good enough and have been thinking about this struggle a great deal. This really expands on my life long belief that states “everyone has something.” I have realized in my quest for understanding that people who struggle with that beautiful feeling of believing they are good enough, believing they are worthy… These people also struggle with feeling vulnerable. I do an impressive job of looking like I have my life together despite some very tragic details. My husband and I have been separated since July, my oldest daughter is dying from a genetic disease that I had hidden inside of me and I live with the guilt of marrying my oldest’s father after knowing him only a week (a detail which would have prevented this disease in my daughter). Guilt over being depressed, guilt over not finding some way (although it is truly nearly impossible)(read the rest)
Earlier this year I read a book called Crazy Time, it was recommended to me by my husband (who I am currently separated from) to help get through the emotions / motions of separation, divorce or whatever label you want to put on where we are at. Here is a link to the book on Amazon, its actually a pretty good read that explains a lot about relationships (not just romantic ones). Crazy Time: Surviving Divorce and Rebuilding a New Life The funny part about the book in relationship to my life is that you really can’t just build a new life when you have kids, have a dying child and work with your spouse. Splitting up is easy enough to do, just have some wine or whiskey on hand for when the nights get lonely. But its the aftermath of the split that you have to be super careful with when you have children. It’s especially hard with a sick child, and having a special needs or terminally ill child will often bring families to the edge of divorce. Loving my children means loving their father, he hasn’t done anything to me or our children that makes our damage(read the rest)