I’ve been busting my ass this past month. Trying to bring myself back into the land of the living. Therapy, a physical, multiple medication appointments to slow my racing mind. I’m redoing our website for Geek Media in line with coming back from England. Headed to England in a week and a half. I signed up to start a 500 hour, comprehensive, Yoga Teacher Training as I want to teach yoga classes for grief and healing. Rachel died 188 days ago. 6 months without her, it feels like she died yesterday. People think that losing a child gets easier with time and I can say after 6 months it seems to be getting harder. I know I’ll never be “right” with her death. This trip to England should have been organized by Rachel, not taken in her memory. London and Boston had their birthdays and my kiddos are now Forever 16, 13, 12 and 11. I have been offered a part time job at amazon at night sorting packages for delivery. I’m actually looking forward to it despite the low wage. An excuse to get out of the house in a 1 million square foot facility, 4 minutes(read the rest)
Took the kids camping a week or two ago and had a great time! Looking forward to getting out there and doing more primitive camping. We had no problems eating vegan and were all quite cozy. Julie slept in my jeep, the boys slept in a 2 man tent and Todd and I slept on an air mattress in my Eureka Tent (Colorado made). Julie even took her first turn behind the steering wheel!
A few days ago I went To Hull, Massachusetts And it was really fun. On the Airplane to there I watched Spongebob Squarepants. The free water was nice and i got another bottle on the plane. At first i was scared But then when we were in the air I loved it. It felt really short. when we got off the airplane we had to go on a Bus then after we had McDonald for dinner. Me and granddad Ate medium fries and Coke. Then we got on a train to Hingham then Granny picked us up. then we met two people that are granny’s sister and niece. There names are Mark and Sylvia Briggs. We went to Granny’s & Granddad’s new house called Portland. We went there and had dinner. I think it was Mac’n’cheese. we also had some Dr.Pepper. Then we went back to there old house to go to sleep. The next day I had cereal for breakfast and orange juice. Granny said we were going to Christmas tree shop, Sports authority , then Cape cod super buffet, Then the Mall, I got a Hoodie and London bag from Marshall. We then went back to the Older(read the rest)
We’ve been in Boston (well, Hull Massachusetts overlooking Nantasket Beach) since Sunday and have seen so many people we love and miss. Friends and family. People who have seen Rachel decline since 2009 and were able to hide their sadness after seeing her decline of 9 months (since we moved) better than I expected. I have only cried once since being here, maybe twice. Not bad, all things considered.
London is a place that my family came from but I have never been there but I want to go and I am also named after London But the place is called England. The have a really cool flag that looks like a cross with the color of Blue,Red,and White. They have a ride called the London Eye and a clock tower called Big Ben. When at night the London Eye is beautiful from the pictures I see. The pilgrims use to live in England.
Earlier this year I read a book called Crazy Time, it was recommended to me by my husband (who I am currently separated from) to help get through the emotions / motions of separation, divorce or whatever label you want to put on where we are at. Here is a link to the book on Amazon, its actually a pretty good read that explains a lot about relationships (not just romantic ones). Crazy Time: Surviving Divorce and Rebuilding a New Life The funny part about the book in relationship to my life is that you really can’t just build a new life when you have kids, have a dying child and work with your spouse. Splitting up is easy enough to do, just have some wine or whiskey on hand for when the nights get lonely. But its the aftermath of the split that you have to be super careful with when you have children. It’s especially hard with a sick child, and having a special needs or terminally ill child will often bring families to the edge of divorce. Loving my children means loving their father, he hasn’t done anything to me or our children that makes our damage(read the rest)