Tag: amazon

Alright. Back home and back on track. Still no sugar and going strong. I had some coffee and a banana for lunch. I bought some seltzer water and have been drinking a lot of that when my brain tries to convince me that I am hungry. I had a beautiful chick pea salad for lunch with tomatoes and some sugar free dressing. Dinner was a bowl of quinoa. Lots of water. I worked at amazon at night and did over 16,000 steps in less than 4 hours. It was an incredible workout. I haven’t weighed in a few days because I got my period and I know it will show I have gained weight. I feel swollen. It is so much fun being female (said no woman ever while menstruating). Sleep: 9 hours 38 minutes Weight: Did not weigh Steps: 20,402

Last night was a disaster. I work at an Amazon warehouse about 28 hours a week at night / on the weekends. Lots of deaf people work there and in order to help the deaf and the hearing communicate, Amazon periodically offers (optional) basic sign language classes. I went to my first class last night. The teacher and interpreter come in, both awesome and friendly. What are the odds that the teacher’s name is Rachel, the same name as my dead daughter? I fought back tears the whole class, tried everything I could think of to hold it together. Seeing her sign the letters for R a c h e l repeatedly, knowing my daughter could never have learned to sign because she went blind. It was too much. I am so upset that I couldn’t control my emotions, in public, for the first time since she died. I am angry that my grief is public and I feel exposed. My grief life and my fake work life have intersected. I want to quit. I tried to cry it out in a bathroom stall but had to stop in order to clock in to start my shift. Standing in the(read the rest)

I’ve been busting my ass this past month.  Trying to bring myself back into the land of the living.  Therapy, a physical, multiple medication appointments to slow my racing mind.  I’m redoing our website for Geek Media in line with coming back from England.  Headed to England in a week and a half. I signed up to start a 500 hour, comprehensive, Yoga Teacher Training as I want to teach yoga classes for grief and healing.   Rachel died 188 days ago.  6 months without her, it feels like she died yesterday.  People think that losing a child gets easier with time and I can say after 6 months it seems to be getting harder.  I know I’ll never be “right” with her death.  This trip to England should have been organized by Rachel, not taken in her memory. London and Boston had their birthdays and my kiddos are now Forever 16, 13, 12 and 11.   I have been offered a part time job at amazon at night sorting packages for delivery.  I’m actually looking forward to it despite the low wage.  An excuse to get out of the house in a 1 million square foot facility, 4 minutes(read the rest)