Apparently, death is a big business, I kind of already knew this as my sister in law died when Rachel was only a few months old. Rachel’s body will be cremated on the 19th and her ashes ready a week after. I’m not sure what the kids and I want to do to celebrate her life. Maybe something just us, maybe go back to Hull. It is a pretty emotional time. To be honest I went to get the mail today and found a condolences card. I thought to myself about those t-shirts you can buy for your friends on vacation that say something like “My Mum went to London and all I got was this lousy t-shirt.” That turned into my kid just died and all I got was a card. I just want my kid back. Healthy. The loss is barely just touching me, I can’t process that she has died and probably won’t be able to until after I have her ashes back.
The loss is barely just touching me, I can’t process that she has died and probably won’t be able to until after I have her ashes back. We have had a vacation to Moab, Utah planned for several months now and we leave on the 22nd. If I could get the money back (VRBO), I probably would. It doesn’t feel like the right time to be on a vacation and I am not looking forward to it. I kind of just want to stay on the couch for forever.
When we get home it will be May and Rachel’s birthday was May 18th. My friend started a memorial fund for Rachel through Go Fund Me. I think, once the kids are really ready to talk about it, we’ll do something on her birthday. I just have to figure out WHAT. I think the WHEN is her birthday.
This still doesn’t feel real.