LabyrinthI have come out of the closet to a few people close to me in the last few weeks. Today I am coming out to the world.

For the last several months I have been suffering from some type of mental condition which has been dramatically worsening in the last month. I am not at risk of harming myself or others, I am not going crazy although it feels that way. Last night was the first time I had a name for my condition. The anxiety has been building for a long time but last night I finally put it into words.

Depersonalization and Derealization.

We’ve all had that “out of body” experience where we feel like we are in a dream. Maybe you felt it when your parent died, maybe you got life altering news, maybe it was right after a car accident.

This has caused me a tremendous amount of suffering. The feeling is unbelievable and the hardest thing I have ever gone through. It sucked that these feelings started amplifying over holiday vacation but I got through it relatively unscathed (as did my beautiful children).

I didn’t realize how much and how bad it was until I looked into the eyes of others on youtube with the same condition. People who suffer from it, some that are recovering and others that have recovered. The feeling of depersonalization and derealization is worse to live with than those first few weeks after Rachel was diagnosed.

Giving a name to this crazy feeling that is accompanied by tremendous anxiety was a turning point for me. Last night was a turning point for me. I will recover. I can live through this.

Things I am doing to get better
– I am working on getting Rachel admitted into a hospital school to take some of the pressure off of me so I can focus on myself and my other children
– I am phasing out offering Website Hosting as part of my business
– I am working on getting back into Yoga
– I have (as of yesterday) removed alcohol from my life
– Decreasing my stress level is my main goal in life right now so I can get my life back.

Staying quiet for fear of judgement is stupid. I don’t fear judgement (professional or personal), I fear having to live like this another day.

Stress adds up.  I’ve been under too much for too long.

Fear of judgement


Kat Wasabi is a 30+ American Vegan, Website Manager, Blogger and proud Mum. Likes: Jeeps, Vitamin D, Music, Traveling & Authenticity.




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