Tag: yoga

We’re headed to London in 10 days and my kids have never really been on public transportation.  I took Boston on the RTD Train and Bus so we can practice getting places and timing our arrival time accurately.  I know the London Underground is going to be a whole different ballgame but I figured we better get our feet wet.

Boston agreed to ride the Bus / Train to take a yoga class with me if I agreed to take him to see IT.  Deal done!  Here are the pictures from our day trip.  We ended up having to take an Uber home because we got on the wrong bus after the movie but it was fine, a real learning experience and honestly I really enjoyed his company.  He was tech free and didn’t complain once.

Boston and I headed out. London took the picture in front of our house.


Boston waiting at the bus stop near our house.


Me and Boston, super excited for our little adventure.


Here comes the bus!


On the bus!


Waiting for the train.  It’s a new train called the A Line that goes all the way to Denver International Airport.


Here comes the train!


On the A Line


At Yoga


Leaving yoga, headed to IT the movie


We ran late for the movie and the yoga class even though I left extra time for getting to both.  I learned that you need to plan to arrive 1 hour before you need to be somewhere in order to get somewhere on time. I didn’t take more pics because we ran late to the movie and then were on a mad dash to get the bus home from the theatre.

It was a splendid day with this kid.  

I’ve been busting my ass this past month.  Trying to bring myself back into the land of the living.  Therapy, a physical, multiple medication appointments to slow my racing mind.  I’m redoing our website for Geek Media in line with coming back from England.  Headed to England in a week and a half.

I signed up to start a 500 hour, comprehensive, Yoga Teacher Training as I want to teach yoga classes for grief and healing.  

Rachel died 188 days ago.  6 months without her, it feels like she died yesterday.  People think that losing a child gets easier with time and I can say after 6 months it seems to be getting harder.  I know I’ll never be “right” with her death.  This trip to England should have been organized by Rachel, not taken in her memory.

London and Boston had their birthdays and my kiddos are now Forever 16, 13, 12 and 11.  

I have been offered a part time job at amazon at night sorting packages for delivery.  I’m actually looking forward to it despite the low wage.  An excuse to get out of the house in a 1 million square foot facility, 4 minutes from home… I’ll be hitting my step goals for sure.

My thoughts are all over the place but I wanted to put them on paper. I’m trying to decide if I want to bring back my fundraising for Batten Disease.  No one I know in Denver, now, knew Rachel. Could I get people interested?  I finally started meeting people just in the last week out here. I had friends before she died here but everyone has pretty much disappeared.  Anna hasn’t left me, and I know she never will, but we have a bit more distance between our houses.

I imagine its frustrating for those who haven’t been through losing a child because they want you back to the way you were, the person you were.  The thing I enjoyed the most before she died terrifies me (4 wheeling).  Be kind to myself is what I keep on hearing.  Self care is another big phrase that gets spoken.  I’m not even sure what self care is.  I get sleep, I drink water and eat healthy and exercise but I think there is more to self care than just that. I have the rest of my life to figure it out.

I am definitely hoping to hold some kind of memorial for Rachel next year around her birthday in Massachusetts.

To fundraise for Batten Disease.  That is the question…?

The featured image in this blog is me and my youngest in a yoga class in Denver.

This week as part of my grief journey and personal development I have enrolled in a 500 hour Yoga Teacher Training as I want to become a Yoga Instructor that focuses on grief, trauma, ptsd and healing.  My first assignment was to record a video introduction about myself. It’s rough and dirty but its authentic.  🙂

2014-03-08 09.44.19-1I feel like I have turned into a caterpillar these last few weeks.

I feel silly using the caterpillar to butterfly analogy. Like, please don’t bring it up to my face, but it’s such a valid feeling for me.

The last few years of my life have focused on taking care of my oldest daughter (first) and her younger siblings (second). I have tried to take care of my husband but mostly gave that job up except for a bout of vertigo this year.

I have sat at the very bottom of the list for a very long time. I think that this is a common practice, for women (especially mothers) take care of everyone else before themselves.

It’s time to re-evaluate things and put myself at the top of the list.

2014-03-04 16.46.40Last week London hit his head really hard and was unable to remember the last few weeks and every 15 seconds was asking me the same questions over and over again.  What is today?  Why am I not at school? Where is Dad? What happened? Why am I bleeding?

He cut his lip open and was bleeding and the questions didn’t stop coming and his short term memory didn’t return so I drove him to the hospital.

I will never understand how I have the ability to stay completely calm but I am very glad that I am not one to “freak out” in an emergency.  I drove him to the emergency room for an exam because I wanted to make sure his brain was okay.  After a cat scan and a popsicle he was ruled to be okay and sent home.  Gradually that afternoon and evening his short term memory started working normally again (the biggest feeling of relief in my life).  Having one sick child does not protect your healthy kids from harm, disease, accidents. That would be fair but life doesn’t work that way.

Life is so short and London’s head injury brought everything I am working towards to the surface.  In some regards I have been putting off my morphing to keep my marriage together, to keep my house together, to keep my sanity together. How can you really live if you put off your life for other people?  Its time I stuff myself with leaves, wrap myself up, hang from my feet and wrap my body in silk.

Keep taking baby steps and before I know it, I will be myself again.  Myself, only happier and more wise.  I am so glad London is okay and that I no longer suffer from depersonalization and derealization.  Feeling outside of my body was very, very scary but if I “get it” again, I will look back at that time and know I survived it once and can survive it again.