Tag: sleep

Alright. Back home and back on track. Still no sugar and going strong. I had some coffee and a banana for lunch. I bought some seltzer water and have been drinking a lot of that when my brain tries to convince me that I am hungry. I had a beautiful chick pea salad for lunch with tomatoes and some sugar free dressing. Dinner was a bowl of quinoa. Lots of water. I worked at amazon at night and did over 16,000 steps in less than 4 hours. It was an incredible workout.

I haven’t weighed in a few days because I got my period and I know it will show I have gained weight. I feel swollen. It is so much fun being female (said no woman ever while menstruating).

Sleep: 9 hours 38 minutes

Weight: Did not weigh

Steps: 20,402

Tomorrow night will mark seven weeks since my oldest child died. This has been a hard seven weeks, and even longer eight years of her disease taking over, slowly killing her. The kids and I are doing alright, some days are better than others. I find that it is hitting Boston the hardest but he has always been sensitive like that. I love them all so much.

An unfortunate and unexpected side effect of such a tremendous and profound loss of my daughter has been involuntary urination in my sleep. I have urinated in my sleep three times since she died. Last night was, by far, the worst. I was soaked. I don’t know what is causing it. I am totally sober, getting in plenty of water and nutritious foods and walking several thousand steps every day for my health. This catastrophe happened three hours after I went to bed, and I went to the bathroom right before I went to bed.

So fucking embarrassing. I decided to blog about it because I figured there is somebody else out there who is going through something really hard and maybe, just maybe they’ll Google search this and find me. And know that they are not alone.

Unfortunately, I pretty much want to sleep on the lawn until this goes away.  I don’t know what the deal is, I’m not having tangible nightmares most nights. I do take a pill to sleep but that is totally normal for a mom who has just  lost a child.

And now, because I feel like Susie bedwetter, I can’t look my boyfriend in the eyes. FML.

This is not better than a grief group. Although my group says this is normal. 

The weeks after the road race have been super busy for Rachel, me and her siblings.  Rachel finished up her home schooling with several weeks of seeing Anneliese the awesome TVI (Teacher of the Visually Impaired) at our home and baking.  Once school was out I loaded up the kids, pets and the Airstream and we drove out to Colorado.  Rachel had a hard time over the 4 day journey as it was very disorienting for her but once we arrived she has been doing much better.  I sent her IEP (education plan) to the school district here and they started her in summer school the Monday after we got here.  She likes going to school as much as she ever has (says she hates it but has a good time when she is there).  A huge difference for me was putting her on a big yellow school bus when I am used to putting her on a 13 passenger van. Continue reading “Rachel update July 2014” »