Tag: london

begin again after child dies

It has been ten weeks since Rachel died and it has been pretty rough. So easy to fall apart and just sit with the grief.  Living with the grief can easily kill a person.  It’s not just the fact that she is dead, I’m only now starting to deal with the disease and what it did to her.  The disease took away so much from her over 10 years and I was too busy being a Mom to process the disease.  Being a Mom without Rachel takes up way less time now so being sad and thinking about things, being left with my own thoughts, can bring me to the edge.

I’ve been struggling with good days and bad. I’ve stopped talking to just about everyone I know.  Left with my own thoughts.

The Colorado summer sun arrived and my ability to continue walking and get my steps in got really hard last week.  So… I joined Planet Fitness and have been going there everyday since.  I have tried tanning twice and my white parts are red.  I don’t think tanning is for me.

Last week I gave myself 14 days.  If I couldn’t make a noticeable improvement within myself, I would call a therapist.  I would rather LIVE my LIFE than have to talk to someone who just won’t get what I’ve been through.  So here I am, killing it. Mostly. #betterthanagriefgroup

The kids are keeping up with their fitbit steps and are starting to visit the library (solo) on a daily basis so I can get some work done.  Boston is in Boston for several days.  Next weekend London is spending his first weekend with his father and I am taking Julie camping so we can help our friends build their tiny home.

The featured picture in this post is to announce that the kids and I are saving up to fly to London this fall. Norwegian is drastically discounting Denver to Gatwick direct and we’re all working towards saving up.  London!!!! It is something Rachel wanted to do but wasn’t in the cards with finances, divorce, timing and her decline.

London and Boston, age 10.

It is definitely my favorite time of year, when both of my boys are the same age.  It lasts 10 days every year and I nearly forgot to take a picture of it.  Here are the boys, age 10…. <3

Rachel Vontungeln 15

I haven’t blogged in forever and I owe myself an apology.  I need this blog.  For posterity’s sake (my memory is shot) and to get my feelings out.  Feelings. I sound like such a bitch.  Feelings. FML.

I texted my landlord in December to see if she had any larger homes for rent and within a few weeks I was starting to move my kids and all of our crap to a new home in Northeast Denver. Continue reading “2016 is here and so are we” »

This kid, with a head full of curls, turned 10!  I can’t believe it has been ten years since he was born at home, in Colorado Springs.  I feel like I’ve lived 5 lifetimes since then.  He’s a very smart kid who wanted a camera and a small soda fridge for his room.  He took this picture with his new camera.  Love him!

Not the best pictures (too many pictures to edit!!!!) but they’ll do! <3  Thank you so much to Sue for having us over yet again, being super generous and awesome and drinking margaritas with me at 10am.  <3 Continue reading “Easter 2015” »

This year Rachel dressed up as a pirate, Julie was a midwife, London was Captain America and Boston Iron Man. We had a great day and was able to attend a few high school sponsored trick-or-treating events and also went to Rachel’s school for a halloween parade. Continue reading “Halloween 2014” »

Photo courtesy of http://rv52.com

Photo courtesy of http://rv52.com

We live in a tiny house.  I would like to add a hiding place to our house that is dark.  It will be dark from the outside but inside I can have lights.  I would like to go into a hiding place when I am really annoyed and stressed out so I can think.

There are no pictures for it but it can probably go under my Mom’s front bed.  There is storage under the cushion so all we need is a hinge so I can open it and climb in.

The picture I posted is like what I want but the storage compartment in our tiny home is much taller. I can sit criss cross applesauce or lay down.  I just need to bring our LED camping lantern in with me and a pillow and blanket.

Another Batten mom named Cheri arranged for Rachel and the kids to go horseback riding at the Colorado Springs Therapeutic Riding Center at the Mark Reyner Stables. When we arrived they were waiting and I was a little hesitant at first because most people don’t get Rachel, especially people who don’t know her. About 5 minutes into our session with the ladies and Bubba the horse I realized I could take a deep breath because they are very experienced with helping special needs kids with riding. One lady (Corey) led Rachel and Bubba and Nancy and her daughter walked on either side of Rachel and helped her with balance. I was most impressed with their handicap accessibility and the ramp they had to help kids mount the horses.

It was a wonderful time for all of the kids and a memory I will treasure forever.

Here is a link to their website: http://markreynerstables.com/

I’ve been running these kids hard, trying to see a ton of different places. Last night London had a late sandwich and passed out after about 3 bites. He is totally adorable, isn’t he?

Only a few more days in Colorado (which we have packed with plans) then we head out west…. <3

Love these kids, they love the water and swimming so much! <3