Tag: depression

Boston, London and Julie at Hull Gut, Peddocks Island in Hull, MA, March 2015

I’ve been wanting to write this post for months but have had such a hard time coming up with the right words.  This is a problem I never seem to have but it has been so hard for me because I’m too close to the problem.  I’m not sure that makes sense, my head feels crazy every weekend and sometimes I want to sleep it away. Continue reading “Dreading the weekends” »

Normal is a really funny word.  It’s a standard we all seem to want to achieve but shy away from.  When we feel less than normal we become disconnected.  I don’t really care for “normal” but “normal” is subjective.  My “normal” is a bit odd, overachieving, overly enthusiastic about EVERYTHING.  I haven’t felt myself because I have been inside my house A LOT because of my daughter’s disease, a bit of depression (I think), divorce and a handful of children who don’t want to go anywhere.  My mind has been telling me that I will go back to my “normal” once my oldest daughter moves into the residential hospital school that she was accepted into (she moves in 8 days).

Getting back to normal is kind of like starting a diet.  You binge on all of your favorite junk foods, gaining a bit more weight, and go cold turkey on THE BIG DAY!!!  My getting back to normal started a few days ago when I thought it was silly to get deeper into the hole and trying to climb out. My diet, my getting back to normal started last week when I started leaving the house.  I have taken 4 steps towards getting ME back.

I’m starting to feel myself coming back and I kind of became excited.

Step 1. In Life 2.0 is leave the house. Shopping with the Triplets. Need a replacement betta fish and to browse the Old Navy clearance rack.

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Step 2. Ask for help getting through this crap and discover 2 bottles of wine left in the Airstream by my brother after surviving Old Navy and resisting the urge to bring home a puppy. The wine was the result of my honesty about how bad things have gotten for me amongst friends and family on facebook.

step2Step 3.  Say yes when someone asks you to leave the house.  The someone was my oldest brother and the kids were asleep and their dad was in the house.  I went, stayed out until far too late and had a great time harassing my nieces friends (who still haven’t facebook friend requested me, I wonder why??!? lol). I wore flip flops out in the snow because I left the house so quickly to avoid making excuses for not going.

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 Step 4. Wake up after late night with brother niece and her friends (unexpected Step 3) and leave Wasabi to go SNOW TUBING with Julie, Sue and Jeep Club.

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