Earlier this year I read a book called Crazy Time, it was recommended to me by my husband (who I am currently separated from) to help get through the emotions / motions of separation, divorce or whatever label you want to put on where we are at. Here is a link to the book on Amazon, its actually a pretty good read that explains a lot about relationships (not just romantic ones).
Crazy Time: Surviving Divorce and Rebuilding a New Life
The funny part about the book in relationship to my life is that you really can’t just build a new life when you have kids, have a dying child and work with your spouse. Splitting up is easy enough to do, just have some wine or whiskey on hand for when the nights get lonely. But its the aftermath of the split that you have to be super careful with when you have children. It’s especially hard with a sick child, and having a special needs or terminally ill child will often bring families to the edge of divorce. Loving my children means loving their father, he hasn’t done anything to me or our children that makes our damage irreversible.
It is be so easy to hate the other parent. It is so unbelievably easy to feel angry and resentful. I was honestly in that place for several weeks.
In the space between my spouse and myself I have learned about self discovery. And within my period of self-discovery (which is thankfully still ongoing) I have found within myself the gift of love and of forgiveness. To forgive myself, to forgive my husband, to try and see past the negative aspects of my life that have brought me to where I am right now. To love, to forgive to live despite some pretty miserable circumstances and to see the light in my life when there is a lot of darkness.
My life is certainly not where I want it to be. I’d like a Norman Rockwell life. But really, I ask you, does that kind of life actually exist? On TV we are being sold a false bill of goods that is absolutely unattainable and leaving people feeling low, like they have fallen short. I won’t feed into the media, into the mainstream and judge my life against what society / media tells us life should be like.
If I can love my children, their Dad, my life in a deep and meaningful way I know I can truly sleep at night with peace in my heart. This is probably the hardest thing I have ever done (change the way I think on a primal level) but it is proving to be the most rewarding change I have ever made.
As one of my favorite musicians ever, John Lennon, said it best with the song “All You Need is Love.”
It’s the most simple, clean truth there is.
My life *IS* crazy time but I live with 4 young children and the oldest is blind, can barely walk and has dementia. Imagine old lady dementia in a hormonal 13 year old. It is pretty horrible, truth be told. Approach my kind of life with fear and anger and the results are unbearable. Approach it with love, a sense of humor and a light attitude and the rewards can be endless. Crazy Time. Embrace it no matter what “Crazy Time” means to you in your life.