It has been ten weeks since Rachel died and it has been pretty rough. So easy to fall apart and just sit with the grief. Living with the grief can easily kill a person. It’s not just the fact that she is dead, I’m only now starting to deal with the disease and what it did to her. The disease took away so much from her over 10 years and I was too busy being a Mom to process the disease. Being a Mom without Rachel takes up way less time now so being sad and thinking about things, being left with my own thoughts, can bring me to the edge.
I’ve been struggling with good days and bad. I’ve stopped talking to just about everyone I know. Left with my own thoughts.
The Colorado summer sun arrived and my ability to continue walking and get my steps in got really hard last week. So… I joined Planet Fitness and have been going there everyday since. I have tried tanning twice and my white parts are red. I don’t think tanning is for me.
Last week I gave myself 14 days. If I couldn’t make a noticeable improvement within myself, I would call a therapist. I would rather LIVE my LIFE than have to talk to someone who just won’t get what I’ve been through. So here I am, killing it. Mostly. #betterthanagriefgroup
The kids are keeping up with their fitbit steps and are starting to visit the library (solo) on a daily basis so I can get some work done. Boston is in Boston for several days. Next weekend London is spending his first weekend with his father and I am taking Julie camping so we can help our friends build their tiny home.
The featured picture in this post is to announce that the kids and I are saving up to fly to London this fall. Norwegian is drastically discounting Denver to Gatwick direct and we’re all working towards saving up. London!!!! It is something Rachel wanted to do but wasn’t in the cards with finances, divorce, timing and her decline.