It’s easier said than done. Having your child die.
For years I could speak about having a terminally ill child quite easily as I had clearly removed myself from what that really meant. I sit here next to a box of ashes that holds the true meaning of “terminally ill” and I am frozen.
After she was diagnosed with Juvenile Batten Disease I set out on many road trips to take her and my other 3 kids places, while we could. Making the most of life, making loads of awesome memories. On every road trip, as the kids were listening to books on tapes or watching a movie, my mind would always wander and I would think long and hard about what I wanted to do to celebrate her life when the time came.
My rule, without question, was to spread her ashes within 48 hours.
I have had her ashes for a week.
They sit next to me while I work, sit in my lap while I stare at the wall from the couch and they either lay next to me in bed or on the table next to where I sleep.
48 hours is long since gone and I can’t seem to part with her. I’m a very pragmatic person but I guess the Mum in me has beat out the pragmatic side of me because I still can’t bring myself to let her ashes go. I have gone on amazon and looked at urn necklaces and have purchased two of them. They’re quite inexpensive, in comparison to how much an urn costs at a funeral home. I think Julie would like one also and I think she is old enough to carry it around with her, emotionally. She has had to live through this right along side me.
Here are the two necklaces that I have found and purchased so far (pics from amazon.com):
Tree of Life
(I think Julie will like this one):
I like this one. When she was definitely dying I told her many times that it was ok to fly away like a butterfly. My friend, Anna, was right there with me and has a new butterfly tattoo in Rachel’s memory. If this butterfly necklace does not suck I will get one for Anna also. Friends like her don’t come around very often.
Well. What do you think?